At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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