That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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