i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
What drink are we having for lunch?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
