It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Oh god it's open bar.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
