You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
