I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
