i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
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Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
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Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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