Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
