I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
