I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
