His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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