They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
