I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Randomize
