I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize