my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
