you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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