You're so nebulous sometimes
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
