There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
