can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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