xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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