Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
