I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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