if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
