u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
