Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
