You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
