The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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