im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
