she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
it glows. i had to have it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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