Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
