I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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