so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
