I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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