I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize