My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
