there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
