it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
