Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
