I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How external is "for external use only"?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
