Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
