Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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