My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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