At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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