what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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