i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
