Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
