so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
