bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
