I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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