I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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