I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
