I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
