We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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