My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
