4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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