She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
