I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
