I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
