i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
