I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
