Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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