We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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