like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
