Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
