In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize