non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
