I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
