New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
