Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
