I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
