she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
