Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
