He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
