He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
