Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
