Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Randomize
