Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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