If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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