I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
