if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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