There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
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i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
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You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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