I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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