i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
