maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
